Wednesday, May 6, 2009

There's something salty in my mouth, its the State Crit predictions

From the Team Car

Who knew the Brine Shrimp Stampede was a spring classic! Driving rain, sleet and cold temps... nothing short of epic. The early groups had it the worst, multiple people visited the medics due to hypothermia and the road were so wet if you rode slicks you were getting dropped for sure. Another thing that plagued the morning groups, the Sarlacc Pit. In a twisty section of the course was a huge puddle full of murky water, within that lay a gaping pot hole. Sources tell me many a man was lost in there only to be digested over an eternity. Kevin Wilde(porcupine-specialized) was the only man to go into the pit and live ride a pick-up truck across the finish line
The causeway proved to be the launching point for many of the first moves. The 4's let a break go there.. the group contained Bryce Young(binghams) Dave Cole(skullcandy) Brooks Steveson(wright) and Richard Hurst(?). These guys would have been first to the line had they not been directed to do another lap. No matter though, During the protest period it was decided that the break would get 1st-4th. Nice!... if you were in the break but harsh for Reed wycoff(contender)and the rest of what used to be the podium...Looks like Reed wont be getting his upgrade yet.

Master 45+ also saw a break go up the road on the causeway, Jeff Clawson(cayon bicycles draper) Mark Zimbleman(Bountiful Mazda) and Glen Adams(porcupine-specialized) took their 3man break all the way to the finish line where Zimbleman held his hands high. Source tell me that John McKone(cole Sport) and Dirk Cowley(FFKR-SBO) were trying to get off the front of the peloton, but their attacks were easily covered. One master commented "He's a little bit old now" and "his attacks don't have much sting". I think Dirk has plenty of sting, he probably just left most of it at the registration table.

Clint Carter(ski utah) and TJ Eisenhart(ffkr-sbo) tried their luck with a break in the 3's. They were eventually brought back into the fold. Clint later revealed he wasn't able to get a draft off TJ -" the wind was coming right over him and hitting me square in the chest". In the final miles of the race Eric Thompson(ski utah) made his bid for the win with a solo brake, ET looked to have it in the bag but flatted in the final kilometers...
As always the real racing was in the 1-2 field. By the end of the causeway a four man group had formed. Connor"hagus" O'leary(ffkr-sbo), Gardie"gigolo" Jackson(cole sport), Jesse"fish-sticks" Gordon(porcupine-specialized) and Eric"less" Moore(canyon development) were the right combination to go up the road. The break lead for most of the race without the cooperation of Moore who wouldn't pull through... eventually Moore became much less and was shucked from the group like the husk off an ear of corn... Moore blew so hard he didn't even show up on the results.. or maybe his loosing time chip didn't register?
Back in the groupetto there was really no where to hide, lap after lap the wind and the hills were showing who had been training and who should consider a down grade. By the time the 1-2's hit the ranch road the race was more strung out than a state street hooker. A lead group of 6 stayed together till the final kilometer, out of which Ryan Barret(canyon development) took the win with Dave Harward(porcupine-specialized) in second and Tanner Putt(cole sport) in 3rd... Chase Pinkham(canyon development) held on for 4th and probably would have done better if he could sprint.
No-Man's Land
Most of Utah's fem fetals were off racing the Gila... Alisha Welsh was one such lady. Welsh held down a fine 3rd on stage1. That night Alisha was seen partying with none other than Mellow Johnny himself

During call ups the next day, she was asked about her previous result, to which she replied "yesterdays race"... later in the week her husband showed up unexpectedly.. Surprise!

Pole Riders

Even though I'm totally illiterate people still want to know what I'm writing and so the Church of the Big Ring has invited me into the congregation... man! road nerds are pissed.

The results are in- Daren Cottle(porcupine-specialized) will stay a Road Weenie, 59% of riders poled wanted him to "dangle off the front"

As for state crit predictions, the people voted and these are the results.

Cat-1,2: 1st-Turdbo, 2nd-Top $, 3rd-Foamy, 4th-Hagus.. interestingly enough Barret received almost as many votes for "winer" as he did for winner.

Cat-3: 1st-Extra Testicle, 2nd- Red Harrington, and "winer" Danger Moore.

Ladies Cat-4's: 1st-Viginia Kuntzwilde was the only female to get a vote.

Ladies Cat-1-2-3: 1st- Tiff P, 2nd- Kirsten K.

Masters 45+: 1st-Claw, "winer" Mckone

Cat-4's: 1st-Sandbags, 2nd-Chick magnet, 3rd-Dunce Cap

Cat5 Tattoo
It's funny how cyclist can spend all this time on training and fancy wheels but when it comes to pinning a race # on even the best of them can be totally retarded.

These are classic! (1) just completely wrong side!. (2) I'll wear my raincoat, sure my # is covered but that's why I have a timing chip. (3) I'm totally dyslexic. (4) If you're wearing a team kit you should at least have a clue about # placement, even if you're dressed like a citizens racer.(5) Chantel doesn't have her race # showing but at least she has her crit series #... that's helpful. (6) This guy obviously cares about his training(SRM) his coach should schedule some Pin-tervals so he can get his #'s right.

And I'm spent!... check back next week for tasty nuggets from the edible diaper that is Utah Cycling. As always dish your dirt to

And ladies, tired of not being ridiculed? give me something to work with.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Winners and Whiners Poll, Cast your Vote!

The State crit is this coming weekend, I'm stirring the pot.. grab the ladle and cast your vote!

Winer= loading up on antioxidants post race, wine is cheaper than Mona-vie and more fun to drink!