Wednesday, July 1, 2009
No one is a winner, so don't be a loser
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Find your match with L'autobus Harmony
Perhaps this instalment should be called "Lucky Man's Land".. . Tayler Wiles(pcim) and Matt Bradley(skullcandy-jsa) were spotted pal-ing around at Hi-u, how else was Tayler gona get to Evanston? one of my sources was able to get a pic of them and their "friendship" necklace.. If I were Bradley I'd get "with benefits" engraved on my half.. just to see if it works.
From the Team Car
Patrick Fasse(ski utah) was recently dropped on the first climb of the Little Mountain Road Race, subsequently he has been dropped from Ski Utah.
With nowhere left to turn Fasse signed up as a mail order husband, he was quickly bought up by a well to do bachelorette and will be shipped of to Chicago at months end. Check FaceBook for time and location of the bachelor party.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Hypothermia AssKick the stage race that keeps you guessing
Evanston locals know how to party and look forward to the Hi-U beer and pizza party, these guys were all about post race recovery, soaking their legs in the fountain while enjoying the annual sexy calves contest.
send your answers to lautobus411@yahoo.com , include your shipping address and Tshirt size. **hint, all the calves are male and two of them are from the Cat2 field.**
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Cyclist stimulate Logan economy and Training Secrets revealed
Sources in the PCIM camp indicate that Clinger(cole sport) has a crush on hottie #1 Taylor Wiles(pcim)..then again 90% of the voting peloton has a crush on Wiles. Not sure what her connection to Matt Bradley(skullcandy) is..bff-s? maybe shes just using him for a ride to events...Those close to Bradley say he has a different girl friend every week and Taylor is not one of them...game on guys.
The Internet has been telling me about certain racers doing "secret training". Eric Martin(skullcandy) and Dave Harward(specialized-porcupine) have invested thousands of $'s into something referred to as "legal EPO", according to the Internet they sleep in a hyperbaric chamber with the Elephant Man bones, the bones are on loan from Never Land Ranch.
1fixedgear- Does this mean that you cease to be rad because you are selling your radness? Yes, I am poking fun at you. What can I say, you made it too easy.
Leave it up to some fixie fruit cake to go around bullying people on the net .. . where does he find the time? With all the time these guys spend trying not to look like they're trying, its a wonder they can even hold down a job. And you gotta have a job..worn out Vans and shoe lace belts aren't cheap.. don't even ask how much the skinny jeans are.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Interview: Naked Guy from The Gap & Hotties of the Peloton- late release!
Recently we caught up with the Naked Guy from The Gap. He was an animated character with a hairy but freshly shaven chest, stunning and repugnant all at once. This is what he had to say.
L’Autobus: When did you discover your affinity for the jock strap?
N.G.f.T.G.: Early on in high school I discovered that I have the ability to sport one of the best jocks in any demographic, and more importantly the motivation to wear the best athletic supporter in the world.
L’Autobus: What about your childhood? All kids have dreams growing up, you must have had aspirations as a boy.
N.G.f.T.G: Growing up, it was always my dream to rock the jock at a Division 1A University. This dream was almost realized when I made the trip to the University of Washington where due to injury I was unable to compete and was forced to find another outlet for my special talents.
L’Autobus: That must have been a blow to the ego, how did you go on?
N.G.f.T.G: After the great disappointment of having one of my dreams ripped from my grasp, I discovered cycling as a much more forgiving sport in which I could rock the jock without injury. After a year of rocking the jock in different disciplines I finally settled on road bike racing. Once I applied myself to this specific discipline, success was iminent. Over a period of 18 months, I progressed from rocking my jock at the RMR to rockin’ it at the Gap! a feat which few have the ability to accomplish.
L’Autobus: That’s amazing! What made you choose The Gap as the place to get buck naked and flap your junk?
N.G.f.T.G: After suffering a broken ankle, I decided to use the Gap as the base for my 2009 dƩbut. It was here that I found a community that believes in me and my jock strap and is filled with individuals that will do anything in their power to help me rock it.
Hotties of the Peloton - late release
Here are some more Hotties for your voting pleasure. Remember if you or your hot one has been left out, its not to late... send your pics to us lautobus411@yahoo.com or hit us up at Facebook.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Garden Creek Gripe a.k.a. Hamburger Hill
Todd sustained a puncture that would require stitches and Sleeve-O will require some touch up work on his tatts. Harward was pissed, indicating he was feeling good "they weren't going that hard on the climbs".
One masters racer was quoted "timing chips are gay!". I don't think he meant gay like they find other timing chips attractive, more 80's style gay... like totally not cool.
No-Man's Land
Not unlike a Big Foot sighting, Brad Gehrig was spotted dancing in nothing but a jock strap. I know public urination is a problem for the UCA.. I'm sure nudity is next on the list.
Cat5 Tattoo
Actual Cat5 tattoo on the winning Cat5 calf!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Vote for the Hotties of the Peloton!
submit pics to lautobus411@yahoo.com
eric
Thursday, May 28, 2009
DQ weekend and Hotties of the Peloton
Crits are a funny thing, you can be the strongest guy in the field and still get 2nd to last... case in point- Reed Wycoff(contender) is cat4 destroyer but one man can't bring back the break and win the sprint. One of the interesting things about crits are all the opportunities for trash talk, If you didn't win you probably have a laundry list of who wronged you... this guy cut me off, so and so bumped me, I was just about to win when the guy in front of me let a gap open.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Brown Lake RR, cat4 ladies graduate from Etiquette School
Bear Lake, the only 3 day race that's not a stage race..what else could I say?..I believe mind numbing would sum it up. The most interesting features of the course are the pot holes and cattle guards.."Point it out!". So who really cares about the results, The good stuff is what happened before the finish line..like during registration when everyone blew out the Facilities. Bike racer eat plenty of fiber and most have a case of pre-race mud butt. Subsequently the toilets quickly be came know as Brown Water Resort.
The 1-2 ladies like it hard and fast, Bear lake did not disappoint. In the later part of the race a brake formed containing KK(pcim), Kris"cross" Walker(ice), Laura"to hot"Howat(ski utah), Nisie"peanut butter cup"Antacle(pcim) and Margaret"kirk"Douglas(ski utah). Walker refused to work, Nisie was about to read Walker the riot act but was quickly put in her place by captain KK..rrr! ..cat fight! Walker went up the road for a few kilometers but was brought back into the break by the Cat5 field who kindly drafted the other ladies up to her. On the line Walker got her way and the Victory..ouch ladies.
Sources tell me that the Cat4 ladies seemed to be taking cues from L'autobus. They're minding their P's and Q's and even pretending to pull through on the front.. Speaking of being on the front...several of the Ski Utah women got in a scratching, hair pulling fight at the post race raffle for a date with Gardie"gigolo"Jackson(cole sport). All is well as they agreed on an "group date" as long as each takes a turn at the front.
Cat5 Tattoo
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Donkeys, circle jerks and training wheels.. thats your state crit
Crits, the perfect place for getting the scoop. People are always lingering around post race talking about their highs or lows, who did what and how sketchy it was. Tensions run high and every corner is an opportunity for drama.
It could have been Tyler Riedesel(kuhl) that had Goulet all worked up, from what I hear Tyler was bouncing off jersey barriers and riding in un-funny ways, Riedesel was hell bent on tenth place, trying his hardest to get off the front in the last few laps. In the end Canyon Development and FFKR-SBO came to the front to drive it for Cameron"camzilla" Hoffman(bikers edge) who took the state crit title with almost no teammates... Mike Booth(canyon development) and Ali Goulet(ffkr-sbo) were second and third losers respectively.
No-Man's Land
Stephanie "caddy cathy" Falls(i.c.e.)won the ladies 4-5 group. I didn't see the race but I would imagine she used her skills to dominate the field.. sit on the break, pretending to be tired, curse out her breakaway companions and then out sprint them for the win... she's ready to race with the big girls.
SandBaggers
Congratulations are in order for Tyler Wall(ski utah) junior 17-18 state champ, he blew the training wheels off the competition as a warm up for his cat3 race. Even if you only finish 27th in the 3's its time to stop going to the sandbox to kick sand in the kids eyes.. good thing Connor O'leary(ffkr-sbo) didn't line up!
Cat5 Tattoo
One of my readers sent this pic.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
There's something salty in my mouth, its the State Crit predictions
Most of Utah's fem fetals were off racing the Gila... Alisha Welsh was one such lady. Welsh held down a fine 3rd on stage1. That night Alisha was seen partying with none other than Mellow Johnny himself
During call ups the next day, she was asked about her previous result, to which she replied "yesterdays race"... later in the week her husband showed up unexpectedly.. Surprise!
Pole Riders
Even though I'm totally illiterate people still want to know what I'm writing and so the Church of the Big Ring has invited me into the congregation... man! road nerds are pissed.
The results are in- Daren Cottle(porcupine-specialized) will stay a Road Weenie, 59% of riders poled wanted him to "dangle off the front"
As for state crit predictions, the people voted and these are the results.
Cat-1,2: 1st-Turdbo, 2nd-Top $, 3rd-Foamy, 4th-Hagus.. interestingly enough Barret received almost as many votes for "winer" as he did for winner.
Cat-3: 1st-Extra Testicle, 2nd- Red Harrington, and "winer" Danger Moore.
Ladies Cat-4's: 1st-Viginia Kuntzwilde was the only female to get a vote.
Ladies Cat-1-2-3: 1st- Tiff P, 2nd- Kirsten K.
Masters 45+: 1st-Claw, "winer" Mckone
Cat-4's: 1st-Sandbags, 2nd-Chick magnet, 3rd-Dunce Cap
These are classic! (1) just completely wrong side!. (2) I'll wear my raincoat, sure my # is covered but that's why I have a timing chip. (3) I'm totally dyslexic. (4) If you're wearing a team kit you should at least have a clue about # placement, even if you're dressed like a citizens racer.(5) Chantel doesn't have her race # showing but at least she has her crit series #... that's helpful. (6) This guy obviously cares about his training(SRM) his coach should schedule some Pin-tervals so he can get his #'s right.
And I'm spent!... check back next week for tasty nuggets from the edible diaper that is Utah Cycling. As always dish your dirt to Lautobus411@yahoo.com
And ladies, tired of not being ridiculed? give me something to work with.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Winners and Whiners Poll, Cast your Vote!
Winer= loading up on antioxidants post race, wine is cheaper than Mona-vie and more fun to drink!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Canyon wins R.A.A.M. and Ida-Hoes better have my money
Operation Puerto?
That's a wrap folks, ladies I need your dirt lautobus411@yahoo.com . See you at the races!
Blog Archive
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2009
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